Thankful for 2020

I am thankful for 2020. 

It sounds crazy because this year has been SO hard in SO many ways, but I am... I'm thankful for this year. Not for the pandemic that's beyond terrifying. Not for the racial issues that fester like an ugly cancer on our country. And not for the ongoing political migraine that defies logical comprehension. But I am thankful for this year.

I am thankful for the time with my kids. This year we have played more board games and Mario Cart than ever before. We've listened to radio dramas and watched chick flicks. We've walked around lakes, picnicked in the living room away from the mosquitoes, created an in-home arcade to celebrate absolutely nothing, and laughed for no reason at all. 

Christmas happened in July, and Halloween was spent in our bathrobes. Our weekly movie and game nights have become the high-points in our lives and taken on a life of their own. We've stayed home because it was necessary, but we were never "stuck" here... we've made the best of things, spending the time enjoying just being together, and I wouldn't take that back for anything. 

I am thankful for Berlioz. Discovered under our house on July 9th, was an abandoned 7-week old underweight mite-infested kitten. After a week of trying to find him a home, we realized WE were the home he had chosen... and we needed him as much as he needed us. 

This tiny frightened baby is now a sleek 6 month old adolescent who naps on the dining room table, shreds boxes for our recycling bin, and absolutely lives for chin-rubs and napping on our feet. He has turned our world upside-down, showing us that we don't need decorations below shoulder-height, computer keyboards are for standing on rather than typing, and that if we walk past the chaise our ankles are forfeit.

The dog still growls at him and will rush him any time they are together, but at nearly 13 years old - we are letting her be grouchy. She sleeps most of the day now anyway, so we have given her space away from him where she can snooze in silence. We continue supervised  introductions, and whenever he gets the chance Berlioz will boop her nose with a clawless-paw or nibble at her ear... we honestly don't know if he's trying to be friendly or simply enjoys making her growl, but either way he hasn't tried to hurt her and is clearly curious about the fluffy white growly-thing. 

He arrived in our life filling a hole we didn't know we had, just when we needed him most... and has become an integral part of our little family. 

And... I am thankful for safety. For our silver anniversary, I gave myself a gift: the gift of freedom from an abusive husband. For 7 months now I have slept in my bed feeling safe, we are free to see the doctor when we need to, and our bills have been paid before their due-date so we no longer live with constant bill-collectors threatening to take away our home. 

I am taking my mother's maiden name. It is also the name of my Scottish clan, and seemed the most fitting as I am not returning to my childhood, but am now someone else; someone with deep roots, who is stronger because of her past. 

For 25 years I stayed silent, praying he would become the man he promised to be. For 25 years, I lived with multiple forms of abuse and a husband unwilling to stop hurting his family. The story is long and complicated, but this year I am thankful for the crisis center who helped us break free, for the pro-bono lawyer who is helping with my divorce, and most of all - the feeling of security I have knowing that when I lock the front door each night, I have not locked us in with what made us unsafe.

2020 has been hard. I miss seeing people. I miss visiting the zoo every week. I miss being able to browse the dollar spot at Target in a leisurely manner. But I am thankful for 2020... because it gave us time to be a family together, it gave us our sweet little Berlioz, and it gave us freedom & safety. 

Yes, I am thankful for 2020.