Saturday, July 2, 2016

Garden Post - the mafia is back

Oh my gosh, I am so frustrated I could bite something.

I have now reached the decade-mark. TEN YEARS I have now battled with the unionized, biracial factory-working, fruit-salad munching, carrot-shredding, exotic-dancing, vandal ninja mafia squirrels. 

This year, they've caused total mayhem. Let me show you the ugly photos this time... the ones I'm NOT happy about, in my garden.

Here's a hole under the only tomato plant I managed to salvage from this year's failed seedlings. This was not there, yesterday.

Next, are my peppers. PEPPERS that are SUPPOSED to be toxic to squirrels. Do you see the pepper hanging a measly ONE INCH from that hole?!?

And my marigolds. I have an entire bed of marigolds that looks more like mulch than a bed of flowers right now. These have all been doused liberally with cayenne pepper. TWICE this year.

And then there's my arugula and spinach. All four of these planters were planted on the same day. Notice how only ONE of them is actually ready to harvest? I have no idea why that one got away... if I find out, I'm ready to clone their DNA because they're the ONLY salad greens that have survived.

 Next, you can see where they decided to go after my lavender. Followed by ONE of the two pots of peas they've managed to completely decimate.

But the one that's completely left me speechlessly disgusted this year? Look into this blue pail. Look closely. 

Do you see the waist-high corn plants? They were there yesterday, I swear! Now I have ONE straggly sickly corn plant, less than a foot high. Out of SEVEN that were starting to develop ears!!! The very PLANTS are gone!

I found them on the ground, underneath the deck, ripped to tiny little shreds with telltale bite marks absolutely everywhere. The PLANTS, not the corn itself!

Honestly and truly... does anyone know if it's legal to use pepper spray on squirrels? I have fought these monsters for TEN WHOLE YEARS now. I want to cause them harm. If not with pepper spray, then perhaps I can trap them... and drown them. They don't ever eat the vegetables, they ONLY destroy everything so nobody else can eat it either.

The war's about to get ugly. Phone calls to the DNR are happening next Tuesday. If it's legal, I'm trying it. Poison sounds good. Medieval torture sounds better.

1 comment:

Appleshoe said...

OK I know this is it supposed to be funny, buuuut when you're all done with this war you need to bind up all of these blog posts and publish it !!!