the marks of motherhood

From the time I was three, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a mom and work with kids. I told people I was going to be the greatest mom that ever lived.

My first real "experience" with motherhood began while pregnant with my son. I had HUGE purple trails running from bellybutton-to-thigh, that were several inches wide and ITCHED. When I asked the doctor what they were he told me quite frankly, "Oh, those? They're the worst case of stretchmarks I've seen in 28 years!"

Welcome to motherhood... you're now marked for life.

And yes, they grew even LARGER with my second pregnancy. My son used them as racetracks for his Matchbox cars as he "played with the baby" in-utero, and my daughter's knuckles were clearly visible through my paper-thin skin. I was told that they would fade, promised that they would disappear, and people swore that they would stop itching. They were all wrong - they're still with me, still purple, and even after 15 years - they still itch!

Over the years I have been shocked & embarrassed by, resolved to endure, accepting of, and finally proud of these marks. They are a visible symbol of my efforts at becoming that "greatest mom that ever lived." Each one of these purple trails is here to show me that to become the greatest mom, there are things I will need to endure, and that things will happen beyond my control that I just need to accept. They are the merit-badges I have earned on my journey through motherhood.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said that "true friends will leave footprints in your heart." My kids chose to leave roadmaps on my belly - and as I look at them I no longer see scars or deformities... but a sunrise of hope & success rising above flames of frustration & failure. The marks that once terrified me have become my inspiration to try harder each day.

Every mom has a story, and every mom carries her own marks - I just wear a few of mine on the outside. I only pray that others can learn to accept their own marks sooner than it took me to accept my own.

New Year, New Goals

Nothing like starting the year by procrastinating, right? Here I am, a full week into the new year & only now getting around to compiling my annual goals. This is actually fairly important to me - because what I write down, I tend to accomplish. What I only tell myself I will do, doesn't always happen. For me, this is a time to sit down & go over the last year, and ponder what "worked" and what "needs changing" and plan to change one or two things in order to improve my life. I like to break things down by category, and change a little from several areas of my life rather than simply focusing on one aspect of me. So for THIS year, these are the things I would like to change. God & Family * I will be incorporating structured Bible studies into our Wednesday lesson plans. We already do Bible memorization, but it's time to STUDY now too!  Around the House * We have had a daily chore-schedule for years... starting this year, we will be USING it to keep our house company-ready & de-cluttered at all times. * And this leads to my second goal... I have been making the kids work in their rooms for 15 minutes each morning, but have NOT done so myself. This year they are holding Mama accountable... when they do their 15 minutes, Mama works in HER room too! and Just for ME * I will be working on losing another 30 pounds this year... more would be nice, but when I lose weight slower, I tend to keep it off. * And finally... this year I am putting my crafting on the calendar as well. The kids are old enough that I can "steal" two hours each week, so starting now every:

1st Saturday is sewing day 2nd Saturday is paper scrapbooking day 3rd Saturday is "miscellaneous crafting" day and 4th Saturday is digital scrapbooking day.

None of these are lofty goals... at the moment I am much more interested in being able to accomplish each of my goals than in creating imposing lists that sap my time & motivation. So now it's time to get everything written on the calendar, and begin the changes!

God's voice in the wind

I have a confession to make. I am a terrible packrat and don't like to throw ANYTHING away. Maybe I don't have dozens of butter-tubs in my cupboards, decades of magazines on the shelves or a mountain of holey socks in the rag-bin for washing windows with, but the ladies at my church can tell stories about how long it took me to unwrap the gifts at a shower because I carefully saved EVERY SINGLE PIECE of paper - and rewrapped gifts with it for the next five years! Coffee tins, glass jars & those heavy cardboard pieces that come in men's dress shirts are a few other goodies I just can't let go because "I can USE that!" After years of hoarding these and dozens of other "useful" things until my house was literally overflowing, I was convicted by an article in a magazine three years ago. In the Summer 2006 edition of "Simply Perfect Storage" magazine, Peter Walsh said: "People hold on to things because they think they may need them one day or they are afraid if they let go of something, they will lose the memory. Clutter holds you in the past. It robs you of space to live." Now I had read things like this before and understood the principle, but had never really taken it to heart. That day I truly "got it" and decided to start placing my family's happiness & room to live, above my desire to hold onto things that MIGHT become useful. I still hang onto things, but now I must KNOW what I'll do with an item AND be able to do it within 3 months, or it goes away. Occasionally I'll come across something that I "know" will be useful, and I give it a 2-week probationary period where it sits somewhere I'll see it regularly. If I can think of that "useful purpose" it stays for the full 3 months, but if not it's into the recycling bin or off to charity before it becomes clutter. Last week we replaced the pillows on our beds, and I just KNEW there was a use for all that flattened-out stuffing, so I placed them on the kitchen counter. Days became a week, and then ten days & I still hadn't thought of how to use them. In the meantime, the weather has taken a turn for the worse and we're now dealing with subzero temperatures... and I have been sitting at the dining room table with chilly draft-eddies freezing my feet. Yesterday as I sat in front of the window warming my hands on a cup of tea, I looked over at the pillows - knowing their window of usefulness had nearly come. I sat there contemplating the pillows, until my feet were cold enough that I went off to find my slippers, thinking that I should really pick up some fiberfill to make a draft-dodger to keep the drafts at bay... but that it would have to wait until after Christmas because of finances. I returned to my tea, feet snuggled into my slippers, and said a quick prayer that we might be able to find it within our budget to pick up some fiberfill BEFORE Christmas to save on our heating bill... and as an afterthought added "and could you PLEASE show me what to do with these pillows before I need to toss them out?" This morning was "use-it-or-toss-it" day for the pillows, and as I was about to drop the pillows into the trash can, a huge gust of wind blew right across my ankles... cold enough to chill me THROUGH my boots! I stopped, hand hovered over the can and realized my answers to BOTH prayers were here in my hand. Those pillows were PERFECT for stuffing draft-dodgers! I ran inside again, pulled out two pieces of fabric I'd saved "because they're too big to toss" but didn't know what I would do with them, and created a pair of lovely dodgers... one for the dining room door, and one for the front door. Problems solved, prayers answered, and one rather sheepishly penitent mama hoping God doesn't have to freeze her ankles the next time he tries to gently answer her prayers.

Wii Fit Plus - Review

After having such great success (and fun) with the Wii Fit, I was SO excited to learn that they were finally creating an upgrade to this program. We have been playing with the Wii Fit Plus for over a week now, and can't imagine going back to life without it. Now right on the package, it states that the original Wii Fit game & Balance Board are required to operate this. My only guess is that this is an upgrade, (the program even said it was updating our software for 10 minutes when we first popped it in) rather than a new game. So it won't save you money over the initial game-price, but bear with me... this one is definitely worth considering.

The greatest feature, in my opinion, is the ability to customize workout "routines" using the yoga & strength-training (NOT the aerobics however - much to my dismay!) exercises. Let me tell you, 45 minutes of nonstop exercise WITHOUT stopping & hunting for my next exercise is MUCH MUCH harder on the body! I'm loving that it actually only takes 45 minutes now, rather than the hour or so that my strength-routines were taking before. In a busy day, those extra 15 minutes could be the difference between actually DOING my exercises, or not having the time. There are also twelve pre-programmed routines ranging from 7-15 minutes, with such names as "overindulged," "warm up," and "posture" designed to target specific issues. While the kids are working on "posture," I'm planning to check out "overindulged" before our Christmas cookies give me need. ;)

Another handy feature is that the fit-meter now doubles as a calorimeter, letting you see how many calories are burned in an individual exercise AND as a daily total. You can also track your waistline, calories consumed, and steps-taken (if you wear a pedometer) on the Wii now too. Since I track all these using an online program this isn't something I needed, but it's still nice that it's all in one program! The kids are enjoying the ability to weigh & track a pets' weight now as well. They love the daily "tips" designed specifically for dogs & read them faithfully to Spirit, who would much rather be guarding the yard against squirrels. I can see this being good as our dog gets older... and for now, the kids love that in the running/biking exercises they get to run alongside their own dog. You can also track a baby's weight now... but of course I haven't had need to try that function. ;)

There are three new yoga & strength-training exercises, and they are TOUGH! Despite my body falling apart, I'm still fairly flexible & have decent balance... but I can only manage ONE of these exercises - the spine extension, without falling flat on my face. These are definitely not beginner poses, but they WILL stretch your body!

For the kids... and myself as well, the best part is that there are 15 new "Training Plus" games. These are not like the original "balance" games that were fun but didn't really do much for you physically, these are WORK... while still remaining fun. You can bicycle around an island, (quite reminiscent of the original island-jog) march in a rhythm parade, (a more taxing-but-fun version of advanced-step) ride a segway around chasing gophers, (this will make your calves ACHE!) or try a skateboarding obstacle course that my son swears is better than the original snowboarding routine. I love that these new games are as "fun" as the balance games so the kids WANT to do them, but are as physically taxing as the strength & aerobic exercises so I can let the kids play them without feeling as if they're cheating on their exercise.

Is the game worth it? Absolutely. Would I recommend it? In a heartbeat. It's even more physically challenging, has some really helpful features, and my kids are fighting to exercise each morning... rather than waiting 'til I insist each day. This is one $20 very well spent!

Oooh, primavera!

I peeked past the curtain this morning, to see the SECOND measurable snowfall of the year. It snowed two days ago, but in our house snow that is gone by dinnertime doesn't count. We call it "cheater snow" because it cheats the kids out of snow-play. Today however, we have "keeper snow." It's past noon, and with over 4 inches already on the ground, there is no sign that it's letting up yet. Our lilacs are doubling over by the weight of the snow, and the maples are quickly changing color while the snow gives them a quick-freeze. Yet the ground temperature is still warm enough that we DON'T have to pull out the shovels - yet. This is warm blanket, hot cocoa & fireplace weather... cold enough to take advantage of the chance for warm snuggles, without having the constant hum of the furnace remind you that the gas-bill will be causing panic attacks in a few weeks.

The kids however, spent the morning chasing each other around with snowballs while I puttered around the kitchen. Snowy days seem to bring out my kitchen-creativity and today was DEFINITELY worth the effort. With hungry kids and a husband home for the day I decided to have a little fun. Yesterday was baking day, so armed with my fuzzy frog-prince slippers to keep my feet toasty, I tackled garlic-cheese toast & pasta primavera.

I have had people ask me how I find the time to bake, and it always confuses me. Anyone who's ever tried those crumbly oversweet bricks of sawdust sold as gluten-free bread would know that it's not worth one tenth the $5 per loaf that's charged. But truly, even without a bread machine it takes me all of 15 minutes to make two loaves of bread. And fresh primavera is even easier. Start with a jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce, and start dumping in chopped veggies & herbs until you're happy with the consistency. Let it simmer for 2 hours - or drop into the crockpot all day, and enjoy. Truly, what could be easier than that? And oh, the smells & flavors... I've gotta go, my garlic toast is calling to me!

New Food Review - Betty Crocker Cupcakes

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am hopelessly addicted to chocolate. I can tell the differences between Mexican, Dutch & Belgian chocolates with my eyes closed. Since going gluten-free I have been on the hunt for the best of the best, in all sorts of rich chocolatey desserts... and I may have found a new favorite for cupcakes.

I know a lot of people say they aren't "cake people" and swear they've outgrown cupcakes. Call it Peter Pan Syndrome, or just a love of all things chocolate but I absolutely love a good chocolate cupcake. It's their not-too-big, not-too-small appeal, with all of that moist crumbly richness that calls to me... and my tummy willingly answers that call with zeal.

Just recently, Betty Crocker came out with four new desserts: chocolate brownies, chocolate-chip cookies, yellow cake, and devils food cake. I've been haunting the baking aisle for these elusive goodies since hearing that they existed, and just this weekend I found them... and came home grinning like a schoolgirl, with a box of the devils food cake riding in my lap. It took everything I had not to rip into the box the minute we got home, but to actually put the other groceries away first, but somehow I managed. Then it was CAKE TIME!

Upon opening the box, I was immediately taken by how dark the mix was. Darker even than straight baking cocoa, this was definitely promising. We whipped them up, and as usual I managed to make the 12 stated on the box PLUS two patty-pan cakes. Twenty minutes later, we could barely resist the smells coming from the oven, and the kids & I sat watching the oven door, as if the gingerbread boy himself was about to leap out & abscond with our goodies. Three minutes later they were done, and we set them out to cool on the counter.

After 30 minutes of intense impatience, they were ready to frost... and devour. They have just the right amount of sponginess, while still retaining a moist quality. There was a slight graininess, but with frosting it's practically unnoticeable. And the chocolate? Dark, baby dark! This is devils food the way I remember it... and haven't been able to enjoy for over 4 years. This was one good cupcake... and I can hardly wait to return to the store; I've already cleared a shelf in the pantry!

The Last Day of Summer

I find myself the only one awake, on the last morning of summer. The boy enjoyed a weekend camping trip with the youth group and is, as expected, still fast asleep. The girl, after staying up late two nights in a row to watch girlie movies with her mama, is also still asleep. Schooling will run late this afternoon, but that's one of my favorite parts of this homeschooling journey - the hours are flexible. So it's just me and the dog reflecting on what is possibly the strangest summers ever.

We have had one of the coldest summers ever, yet to date this is one of the warmest Septembers on record. And being in yet another drought, this has been one of the driest summers, however this year marked one of the wettest Augusts in history... followed so far, by a September with absolutely NO rain at the official precipitation-measuring airport sites. Our fall colors are running 2-3 weeks earlier than normal because the trees are so dried out and everywhere around us, there is flooding & above-average rainfalls, yet we sit here month after month with heavy clouds passing over & around - yet never actually dropping their rain. The forecast calls for rain again today & tomorrow... but I refuse to believe it, until it happens. It's the story of this summer.

Gardens & fields alike have failed this year. My own garden was a mockery. Out of 8 pepper plants, we've yielded 3 purple and NO yellow peppers. My pumpkins (ohh, my lovely pumpkins!) and cucumbers never even got to the vining-phase. The broccoli & lettuces stopped growing at 3 weeks, and STILL look like seedlings. My tomatoes have looked as if they're dying for two months now, but are still fighting to eke out a tiny handful of fruit. Even my mint looks awful! Only the chives look like they have in past years. The basils, thyme & oregano are lovely however, and I will be spending the afternoon potting them up to see if I can keep them alive over the winter. I say SEE because while my outdoor plants tend to turn a passing head or two, my record with houseplants is rather terrible. I've managed to kill aloe, spider plants, and cacti! Still, if I fail they die - and if I don't try they die... so I lose nothing by trying.

Since this has been such a particularly strange summer, we will be spending the day enjoying the pleasures of fall - since summer seems to have given us a miss this year. Breakfast this morning is a bold sweetened-with-molasses-only gingerbread cake, with spiced cider. We will be going acorn-gathering this afternoon for a few fall projects, and this evening will be spent in the backyard alongside our new firepit with fresh apples, warm blankets, and snuggles... since I stoutly refuse to believe it will rain.