Ducky Day

This year we decided to have a Ducky Day on the third anniversary of my mother's death. Starting this year, we're choosing to turn the day into an annual celebration of all things rubber duck.

(The books in our seasonal book basket tell the story of the original shipping-container ducks that our duckie-release is inspired by.)

We created a few simple decorations to brighten the house; a simple wreath from an old bath scrubbie and an embroidery hoop, floating miniature ducks in our mason jars, and a tiny paper garland for the fireplace. In the dining room we placed a sailor-duck (in honor of Mummy's time in the Navy) in our lantern along with four baby ducks.

This year's Willow Tree is called My Sister My Friend. The darker figure appears to be an older woman guiding and standing behind a younger woman... something that is quickly becoming a new chapter in my life, but also who my Mummy was to me.

Our ducky release was kept very close to home. Four little duckies paddled their way down Rice Creek - a tiny stream less than a mile from our home.


Heavy rain, cold weather, and tummy troubles  caused us to re-think our epic water battle plans. However we are enjoying our quieter-than-planned day all the same.  We will be playing a few duck-themed games including one of the kids' favorite games by Bart Bonte - DUCK and having a light lunch with cheese and "quackers."

While today might not be quite as wildly celebratory as we'd planned, I think Mummy would approve. 

I even remembered to buy us new socks!


 

My "Stupid Little Blog"

Bloggers and ANYONE who believes in small businesses, I need your help.

I need your help spreading the word about how much an enormous company DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU.

Backstory: after five different modems and a dozen technician visits in fifteen months via Comcast, (the only local option for cable service) when a Century Link (the only local option for DSL service) salesman came to our door we chose to switch our phone and internet service. We were promised better faster service, for a lower price. We voiced our concerns about past issues with Century Link, and were vehemently assured that ALL of those issues had been addressed and that Century Link was now a dependable, honest company that we could trust.

We have now had “service” through Century Link for exactly one month. Here is what has happened during that month.

On the day of installation a technician came to our house, and couldn't get the modem that Century Link mailed us installed properly. He then tried a second and THIRD modem from his truck, and after four hours of standing in my house arguing with his own technical support team, I finally had internet service. Yes he was here for FOUR HOURS, just to get us connected!

After he left when I went to make a phone call, and found the telephone cord dangling free... he had not connected the telephone. I then learned that our modem DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A PHONE JACK! I called Century Link, and after 90 minutes of being forwarded to four different people and relaying the same issue each time, I was told to purchase a part from Target and fix the issue myself. Yes, we paid to have our phone and internet connected... and THEY NEVER CONNECTED OUR PHONE!!!

Two weeks later we called in to ask why our phone had not been working properly. Every time the phone rang it was being forwarded to a voicemail-box that I was neither told I had NOR how to access after 1 ½ rings. I found this out after a second service technician was sent to our house. Yes, THEY SET US UP WITH A PHONE WE COULDN'T POSSIBLY ANSWER IN TIME!!!

Now yesterday afternoon our internet went out. I called to ask what had happened and when we could expect our service to resume, and after a full hour and being forwarded to four different departments I was told that we would not have service for 12-48 hours and that OUTAGES HAPPEN ALL THE TIME! I can agree with that, but FOR DAYS AT A TIME?!? When I asked what could be done about our lack of service, we were told that if I wanted they would reimburse $1.33 of our next bill. Yeah, all those troubles were worth less than $2. Now VERY frustrated at the apparent lack of concern for a brand new customer, I said that this was unacceptable. After dozens of interruptions and insistences that this was the best that could be done for us, i said that I am a blogger and would be sharing our story. I was told,

I feel that being called little OR stupid is out of line, and I HIGHLY resent the implication that just because I am not worth billions, my voice does not matter. Rather than call back and yell myself hoarse for nothing, I am begging for your help.

If you find this as unacceptable as I do, would you please share this? Because I AM just one little voice... but with your help I KNOW my voice can carry and that if it's shared enough it CAN matter, EVEN to a 60 Billion dollar company!

Please, would you help this “stupid little blog” spread the word about how little Century Link thinks of you?

Immersed in the Psalms: Colorado dreams

Have you ever had a Bible passage speak to you, directly? I don't mean convict you of something that's been gnawing at you... I mean that reaches out and talks about what's on your heart specifically?

Psalms 37
Colorado

Many years ago, I began daydreaming about moving to Colorado. My joints move more freely there. I breathe more easily in the thinner air. Our allergies are better there. Yes there are painkillers available there, that aren't yet legal here.

Several years ago, I started hunting for a house that would work for us in Colorado; a smaller, universal design that we could afford. I have looked at over 10,000 floor plans at this point, and we've fallen in love with a specific design. It's been the house we measure all other options against for two years now. And... it's half the size of our current small-to-modest sized house.

Yes, tiny houses are currently extremely popular, but when I started hunting in 2006 people thought I was crazy. When I finally found THIS house, I was told I'm  insane. A family of adults? With 540 square feet of ground-level living? With enough open space to accommodate a WHEELCHAIR?!?

This year, we began saving in earnest towards our house. It is no longer a dream, it's our goal. The floorplan is on our wall, where we can write on it whiteboard-style as we brainstorm how we'll fit everything we want to bring with, into its tinier space. We've marked out a miniature pantry on our living room floor, to visualize where all of our canning paraphernalia will be stashed. And we've prayed, long AND hard, for years.

 


Today I am catching up with my Psalms readings, and I finished the 37th Psalm... and it covered every reservation we've had about our move.

Psalm 37:7a - Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him... One of our biggest issues with our plan, is the several-years of waiting and saving it will take to be able to achieve our goal while downsizing our financial needs. Be still. Again, be still and wait patiently. How many times must we read that patience is a virtue?

Psalm 37:16 - Better is the little that the righteous has than the abundance of many wicked. To be able to downsize our house, we have been downsizing our belongings. As we've struggled with how many bookshelves we can fit, we've been slowly learning that the more we let go, the more free we feel.  Now even the Bible is preaching the virtues of owning less! What more do we need, to know that we're on the right path?

Psalm 37:34a - Wait for the Lord and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land... Land. To own our own land. To see our dreams come true.

Wait for the Lord
and keep His way,
and He will exalt you to inherit the land.
Our dream, written about by David, thousands of years before we were born.

Awesome.

How NOT to Celebrate Saint Patrick's Day

I would like to share a few things, before the Chicago river is dyed green and absolutely everyone claims Irish ancestry. If you choose to celebrate the life of one of Ireland's most famous, please consider the following:

St. Pat - no, no, NO! You are celebrating the life of a man named Padraig. If you must shorten his name, please... it's Paddy, never Patty or Pat. If you prefer, his birth name was Maewyn Succat. He didn't become Patrick until he was a priest. In our house, we celebrate who he was before AND after his priesthood... the entire man.

Green Beer - this is not a thing. The Irish think this is crazy, since they are known for their love of pubs. What would an Irishman drink? Guinness, or whiskey. I've heard that both are divine.

Corned beef - this is not Irish. It is American. Enjoy it in honor of Irish immigrants, but know that it did NOT originate on the Emerald Isle. Ireland has never had many cows, and therefore beef is extraordinarily pricey there. Would you like to try true Irish fare? Colcannon. It's amazing, and served up year-round in our house. You can also try: barmbrack, champ, boxty, or a shepherd's pie, just to name a few personal favourites.













*** Booklist for Baby Sis: 
This is Ireland, by Miroslav Sasek
Patrick Patron Saint of Ireland, by Tomie dePaola
Patrick Son of Ireland, by Stephen Lawhead
The Confession of Saint Patrick, and Letters to Coroticus 
101 Things you Didn't Know about Irish History, by Ryan & Amy Hackney
Irish Cook Book, by... YOU!
Celtic Myths & Legends, by Publications International
Spring, by Gerda Muller
Spring Story, and Poppy's Babies, by Jill Barklem ***

Being a redhead - believe it or not, only half of Ireland's people have red hair. The other half have DARK BLACK hair! I was born a ginger, meaning my heritage is visible. I cry when my dark-haired Irish friends are told they can't be Irish because their hair is the wrong color. It's the dark-haired Irish who inhabited the island FIRST!!!

Irish for a day - please, seriously? If I were to claim I was Somali for a day, how would my melanin-blessed friends react? That would be wrong. Why then, is it socially acceptable for people to claim they are Irish for a day? Why isn't this JUST as wrong? Some of us are very proud of our under-recognized heritage. Please. Let us have JUST ONE DAY when we can be proud of who we are.

When you're a Cornish Welsh Scot-Irish (aka: Celtic!) woman, there aren't many days to celebrate your ancestors. Saint Patrick's day is a Catholic day of remembrance, that has been adopted as a day when those with Celtic roots can claim pride in their heritage. Please, use the day to learn about Ireland. Wear green. Visit a pub. Go to a parade. Swap limericks. Learn about Mr. Succat - the Roman nobleman, turned slave, turned priest. Try something genuinely Irish. Invite yourself to my house for colcannon and apple cake while listening to Celtic Thunder, and The Chieftains. (No, really, feel free to come over! I'll make plenty!) But please remember... this is a nationality being celebrated, not a joke.

Ireland is a tiny little island. To this day, only HALF of Ireland is independent... and yes, there are resistance groups who STILL fight for the freedom of Northern Ireland. For a tiny country that can't even claim their own land, having a holiday taken over by those who aren't Irish... stings, at best.

How do the Irish celebrate Saint Patrick's Day? By going to church.

Immersed in the Psalms: headspace

Most of the past week has been spent in the 18th Psalm... a long passage that shows the many ways God saves David from his many enemies. It's a difficult passage to connect to, when your worst enemy is your own body. I don't really want to be rescued by an avenging God, and I don't need the strength to utterly crush my enemies. So I found myself picking at the passage, pulling praises from amongst the foe-vanquishing, and not really "feeling" most of what I studied.

At the same time, I have been fighting downright evil migraines all week; eventually visiting the doctor for a diabolical head-scrambling shot, and a short list of bad options for dealing with my migraines in the future. This might have had some effect on my ability to connect and concentrate.

What do YOU do when you can't get info a proper headspace? How do you connect, when everything around you feels disconnected?

For me, I've spent more time in prayer and listening to songs, and less time reading and looking at screens. It doesn't help much, but it does allow me a different perspective.

Immersed in the Psalms: my daily routine

I've been asked by several people what I actually DO in my Psalms studies. Now that I've been studying long enough to have formed habits, I can share my routine.

Each morning, I begin with prayer... and tea. The tea is purely medicinal, I'm sure.

From there, I'll read the daily devotional in The One Year Book of Psalms, and on days when I finish a chapter I read the coordinating chapter  In The Secret Place: a Pilgrimage Through the Psalms. Then, I write out the passage I've been studying, by hand. Writing it out seems to bring different phrases to mind than simply reading it, and quite often changes my entire perspective.

After this, I turn on music inspired by the Psalms, (fit right now I have The Psalms Project, which goes through the 30th Psalm... After that, I've found Youtube playlists for all 150!) while reading through, commenting on, and coloring in Bless the Lord, O My Soul. This is a quieter, more contemplative time for me to simply and quietly process what I've read so far.

Some days a single Psalm is split up over a few days, while other days I finish an entire Psalm in a day. On "partial days" I finish up by embroidering one of my favorite verses or coloring in The Psalms in  until lunchtime. On full-chapter days, I will write out my favorite verse from that chapter in illustrated calligraphy. I'm still practicing so my work looks somewhat elementary, but I'm loving being able to hone my skills after years of neglect.

These studies take 1-2 hours each morning, and have been an amazing time of quiet and reflection so far. I'm only a month in, but I am loving every minute of my time so far.

Immersed in the Psalms: Keep Us Safe

I chose to hold off on my studies this morning, so I could watch the presidential inauguration.

Today I read the twelfth Psalm. All I can say is... read it yourself. The timing of this passage feels oh, so apropos on such a politically charged day. I COULD see it as a Psalm of despair, but instead I see - twice - a promise of God's protection.

Too many of my friends are angry, or fearful of the future. They are worried about safety, heath care, and even war. I have heard, "not my president" from so many friends - and I worry that this could divide a country that cannot afford to fight with itself, when there is hate and fear attacking us from what feels like every side.

Mummy taught me, "When you can't respect the man, respect the title." Whether you voted for him or not, I think we can all agree that President Trump is a man who needs our prayers. He stands for ideals that are bigger than you, me, or himself... and no one man can do half of what's expected in that position. I prayed for President Obama, and I will pray for President Trump. The fact that I voted for neither man is immaterial. They hold a title that deserves my prayers and respect... because ANYONE in that office, needs prayer... and respect.

Pray that he lives up to your hopes. Pray that your fears are unfounded. Pray that God's promise of protection keeps us safe.

But pray.

Immersed in the Psalms: Helping the Helpless

For the past few days, I have been immersed in Psalms 8 & 9 which talk about helping those who cannot help themselves.

This could mean any number of people, but to me it's about children. Children are vulnerable to our actions, our neglect, and... our words. One careless word can scar a child, literally for life. I know this first-hand, and I've seen it too many times to count, in others. Please, be careful with your words... ESPECIALLY when little people are present!

For my little friends, who cannot defend themselves, I would like to share some truisms that I have learned. Some are funny, others are dead serious, but they are all real.

25 Things I've Learned from 25 Years of Working with Preschoolers

1. Farts are funny. Get over it.
2. You DO fit on an 11" chair with a 32" inseam. Kneel with your feet under the chair. Unfold gently when standing up again.
3. Bubbles heal nearly every ouchie. For those that they don't, there are band aids. Buy the colorful ones, they heal faster.
4. Don't ask what the picture is... ask them to tell you about it. Watch their face light up.
5. Use "no" sparingly. Follow every "no" with a "yes". Yes, for the 10,000th time.
6. The COOL daddy ALWAYS drinks the invisible tea from the pink plastic cup. Always.
7. Storytimes are magical; they can expand your lap enough to fit seven children. Try it.
8. Mitten clips fall off and get lost. Strings through the sleeves, do not.
9. Need to go somewhere quietly? Pretend you're a different quiet animal every time. This only works if the grown-ups do it too.
10. Three rules, that's all any group needs; take turns, be kind, and always use NICE words.
11. Never ask if they WANT to do something, if what you mean is that they MUST. A question may legitimately be answered with "no".
12. Time to clean up? Who can pick up more red Legos than Katie? More toy food than Ben? This is faster than the clean-up song, I promise.
13. Crafts are messy. Do them anyway.
14. Glitter, however, is not worth the mess.
15. Teens make the best helpers. Teachers AND preschoolers agree.
16. Red juice/Jello/treats with artificial colors will turn at least half your room into scary monsters. Test this at your own risk.
17. Hug them. Hug them more. Hug them once again. Then give them another, for good measure.
18. Play kitchens are for boys too. The ONLY difference is that the pink cups will be filled with invisible juice instead of tea. Don't know why, but it's true.
19. Let them see your fears. My "fear" of the color pink has endeared me to hundreds. My fear of the dark? Thousands.
20. Do not shout when you need their attention. Speak softer and softer until there is silence. If everyone is shouting at once... blow a train whistle. Then whisper.
21. Don't believe in can't. Believe in try again. This works 90% of the time. For the other 10%, there is "let's try together".
22. Cardboard boxes and blankets over tables are STILL better than ANYTHING that runs on batteries or electricity.
23. Make snacks together. It's worth the mess. Foods that spread or need mixing are best.
24. Laugh at their jokes. All of them.
25. Accidents happen. Forgive, FORGET, repeat.

Immersed in the Psalms: Perspective

I took these photos earlier this week during a rare moment when I had the house to myself. I was enjoying the silence, and snapped the photos to remember how at-peace I felt.

Just a few hours later a family emergency came up, and our hurricane-nephew came to turn our house into a frenetic place of rambunctious energy.

As I look at these photos just a few days later, I realize that nearly everything I see can be interpreted based on perspective.





The candle on the table - I can see that it's nearly burned down... OR I can see that we have been enjoying the same candle for several weeks.

The flowers - I can see that they are starting to wilt, OR I can see that there is still some life in them, nearly two weeks after they were purchased.

I see my blanket and know that I was curled up on the sofa feeling the effects of the weather - OR I can remember that I was warm inside my house, and did not need to venture outside on a day that would have been cripplingly cold.

Through the window I can see that we still share a driveway and side-yard with neighbors literally 20' away, OR I can see the new flooring, and enjoy the fact that we have been slowly improving our house for the past 18 years.

In the next photo, I can either see a micro office-cart put together out of the needs of a failing body, OR I can see that I have everything I need right at my fingertips, wherever I need to be.

I can see that our home is small enough that our fireplace is only for gel fuel and decoration, OR I can see that we've managed to find a way to have a cozy fire, even without a chimney.

In my life, I can see that I have been forced to use my wheelchair more often than not in the past two years, OR I can see that I have an all-terrain chair that allows me to trek around offroad, and that I am able to "outrun" my son for the first time in 15 years.

In taking a year to study the Psalms, I can see a desperate attempt to add peace and calm to a chaotic life, OR I can see that we can afford for me to be a stay at home mom, even after my kids have grown, and that I have the freedom to finally do something for myself.

Some days these changes in perspective come easily to me. Other days I have to struggle to even see them. Just within this past week however, my eyes have been opening to some of the more subtle positive perspectives within my life.

It's a welcome change.

Immersed in the Psalms: My Cup Overflows

I wanted to share what happened over the weekend. Because it may sound cliché in a blog about the Psalms, but... my cup is truly overflowing.

I have degenerative conditions and permanent eye damage, causing severe issues with lower resolution screens. Because of this, we saved up and purchased a high-resolution Kindle Fire for me to use. This has been my connection to my friends and family through: email, Facebook, blogs, and discussion boards. The family calendar is connected, as is our cookbook. I read books, shop, surf ideas on Pinterest, and stream music with it. While not technically indispensable, it is used for several hours every day. Even with my studies in Psalms, I am using it to access: an e-book, an app with various translations of the Bible, music, and a Pinterest board full of needlepoint inspiration. On the day she arrived, I named her Shirley Goodness because she "follows me all the days of my life."

About a month ago, Shirley began having issues. First it took longer for her to charge, and then her battery started draining more quickly. Within a few weeks she was draining her battery in 4-5 hours, and taking as long as 15 hours to recharge overnight. I began using her while plugged in, but when she began draining her batteries within six hours WHILE PLUGGED IN... my husband put a call into Amazon, to see if we could pay to have her battery replaced.

Amazon does not offer battery replacements for their devices. Nor, we learned to our horror, do they make the high resolution Fire anymore. My husband tried several times over four days to see if anything could be done, and it looked as if I was going to have to adapt to life without the internet for a year or so when I received a call on Saturday.

Malorie from Amazon wanted to see how she could help me. After a quick description of Shirley's symptoms and what tests we had tried, she offered to send me a brand new tablet. When I explained my resolution needs, she put me on hold briefly. After a few more questions, she came back with the unbelievable: she had located a refurbished high-res Fire, and could ship it to me as early as Monday, if that was okay with me.

Okay? OKAY?!? I was literally speechless with gratitude!!! After several days of being told that there was nothing that could be done I had given up hope and resigned myself to carefully eking out the last dregs of battery, and praying that we would be able to replace Shirley with a laptop as soon as a year from now. Now within a ten minute call, here was the answer to the prayer I hadn't even dreamed to pray. My Shirley Goodness has been REPLACED and is GOOD AS NEW!!!

My gratitude bubbled out all at once, as my hands literally shook. I told Malorie, quite honestly, that there was no way to truly express my gratitude to her for her kindness in truly going above and beyond the call of duty. If you see this Malorie, once again, THANK YOU!!! 

Truly and honestly, my cup overflows. And now, once again and for the foreseeable future, Shirley Goodness and Mercy shall be following me... all the (foreseeable) days of my life!

Immersed in the Psalms: Focus

When I started, I thought that this was going to be a simple study in the Book of Psalms while writing them out by hand. Then I thought it would be an immersion in praise; a time to reset my thinking in a positive direction.

How vain, to think that I was in control.

This morning as I read through the fourth Psalm, I was drawn to Psalms 4:6b "Let the smile of your face shine on us, Lord."  It sounded right and good for my focus and goal to be as simple as basking in God's smile. This was the message I thought I was to hear from this passage.

Then as I was writing the verses out, another verse jumped out at me - practically shouting my name as I penned it, while now pondering each word carefully.

Psalm 4:4b "Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still."

I had planned on sharing each of the books I have chosen to use for this journey, and why I chose each one tomorrow. Instead, I want to share a simple photo of my mobile "desk" that travels through the house with me, as my body requires constant shifts in position... quite often sitting near my bed or the sofa, as I recline in my mountain of cushions feeling frustrated and broken.

Everything is here for me. Ready for praise... and ready for silence. My bed. Not a prison, but a place for silence and meditation.

I think a still small voice just whispered in the wind.

Immersed in the Psalms: Time to Sing

So here's a quick recap of my last 2 1/2 years.

My husband lost his job the day after his 16th anniversary. One week later, the person who fired him, mysteriously quit. Coincidence? Suuure.

One month later, my mother passed away completely unexpectedly.

I was assaulted, then publicly shouted at by this person's mother. My father witnessed the shouting... what did he do? He SIDED WITH MY ATTACKER!

Then my body began to fail me. It has been steadily getting worse ever since. My wheelchair is with me whenever I leave the house, I am unable to climb stairs anymore, and two hours of light housework is followed up by six hours of extreme exhaustion. A simple flu virus leaves me sick for two months, breathing with the help of nebulizers that leave me shaking and nauseous.

Just as my body began to fall apart, the state unionized in-home daycares. My plan for the past 20 years had been to start an in-home daycare, once I graduated my own kids. This new union means that I would be unable to take any kids who receive government daycare subsidies... which is exactly who I had intended to take on; the lower income families. Twenty years of planning and purpose, lost. 

My eyes also took a turn for the worse; I am now fully nightblind, my depth perception is shot, and my vision is no longer fully correctible. I can drive only during perfect daylight conditions and on city streets. I now wear reading glasses over the toric multifocals I've had for eighteen years.

My father remarried less than seven months after my mother's death. I found out third-hand, one week before the wedding. I spent six months watching my new stepmother's daughter talk about the parties and dinners she enjoyed at my childhood home. I was not invited to my childhood home once, and in six months was only called ONCE. I have not heard from my father since I angrily pointed this out to him.

When I finally went to the doctor to find out why my body was falling apart, I found out that I have a malfunctioning heart valve. Open heart replacement is my next and only step. It is anything but risk-free.

Then we learned that my son had the same condition. And then, my daughter. Fortunately they are both stable and MANY years from the same surgery, but this is degenerative and unpreventable. They will need the same surgery someday for no reason other than that I am their mother.

My daughter and I are both battling anemia, which has simultaneously stolen our energy, and given us extreme insomnia. 

I have developed a third hernia; this one causes GERD, and is not typically operated on which means my diet has been changed for life. I pop Tums while munching on bland foods and dreaming of lemons.

The tendons on my hands now dislocate, meaning that my fingers are permanently weakened and alternate between locking, and snapping shut tight. There is an operation for this, but because my injury is caused by a genetic disorder rather than extreme age or an injury, the surgeon says the operation would only make things worse. So I sleep in a splint, and am slowly giving up things like sewing, crocheting, and braiding my own hair.

And up until ten months ago, we dealt with ALL of this while sharing caregiver responsibilities for an individual who vocally and visually lusted after me every chance that they got while being as difficult as physically possible.

Why am I sharing this? So that when I say that it's time for a change, you can see exactly how ready I am for that change. I can't change my circumstances, and I can't change my health. The only thing I CAN change, it's how I handle what is thrown at me... and I certainly can't do that alone. 

Four months ago I set aside a "freebie" e-book, and decided that I would start the new year with a devotional studying the Book of Psalms. Last week one of my friends shared that he had just finished copying out the entire New Testament by hand. Being kinesthetic, I was inspired to try this myself and decided that writing out the Psalms would nicely enhance my devotional time. 

That's when inspiration struck. Why not also color the Psalms, with a themed coloring book? What about embroidery? I could stitch a different favorite Psalm every month. And there are multiple Psalms set to music... Psalms DOES mean songs, after all! 

Thus was born a one year adventure. Starting on Sunday, and for an entire year, I will be:

Some of my adventure may be shared, while some will likely be kept personal. All I know for sure, is that I am ever so ready for an adventure of praise after so much pain.

It's time to sing.